monkey pod

i took my tears to the monkey pod tree

who sat beside, consoling me

the grass beyond looked soft and green

but i chose the monkey pod tree

tall and lean, but wider branches still

his arms seemed to welcome me

so there among the thorny, dry grass

i lay beneath this gangly tree

there i rested 'til my eyes were dry

my tears no more to quench the ground,

my shadow grew long as the monkey branch

then disappeared with a disappearing sun

alas the nightly breeze bade me leave my monkey pod friend

and thanking him for a kindly ear, i followed suit with sun and shade

moses supposeth

if moses supposes his toeses are roses,

then moses supposes erroneously.  

kauai keiki

well, i'm sitting here at shaka taco, not eating a taco.  but here i am, with my birthday buddy, katie.  yesterday i became another year wiser, and tomorrow so will she.  so, the only thing to be done about that is to make two birthday cakes for two people in the span of three days.  i am a yellow cake with dark chocolate frosting type of person, and katie is a german chocolate kinda gal.  which means she will be eating the whole thing since i must abstain from coconut-laced delicacies.  good luck katie.

we just stopped by her classroom for a minute before she delves into her paper grading and lesson planning.  the eighth grade teacher, my friend, the eight grade teacher.  we met in ninth grade, which means i've known her for.... a long time.  about a decade.  ah, long gone are the days when i sat behind katie cugno and graded her math assignments in class when we traded papers.  for me first period meant math and staring at the back of this girl's head (and her fluorescent orange barrettes) and getting my papers graded in fluorescent orange ink.  for her, so i learned years later, once we actually became good friends, first period meant getting my dog's fur all over her backpack... very aggravating.  sorry katie.  he still sheds.

now, we're teachers on spring break, scheming some new plan, as usual.  i've decided to learn how to make cheese, and katie is talking about picking apples in the future.  i like it.    

pink dinners and irish dinners

i've known kathleen forever. i lived with her for a while when i was younger, and then she came to live with me for a bit when i was older. she came over the other night for st patricks day because she's the most irish person we know. we made irish food and watched waking ned divine, which is hilarious. it's about a guy who wins the lottery and then dies, well not really about him i guess, because he never really makes it into the movie alive. it's about everyone else, and it's very funny. you should watch it sometime.

the dinner/movie thing reminded us of the last time.... the last time we cooked, or at least the last memorable time. and the last time we watched a movie together. dinner was entirely pink. we never intended to color coordinate our meal, but for some reason everything we ate was pink, which if you think about it is a fairly unusualy color for natural foods. prepared ones anyway. i remember it tasted good, but it just never looked very appetizing. i have also had yellow meals with the same effect. Color-themed meals are not pretty.

anyway, the movie was even funnier than the food, not that it was a comedy. we decided to watch the ghost and the darkness, which also happens to be a pretty good show. there's this scene where val kilmer is hunting a lion and he's about to get pounced on. lion is crouching, heavy drama music swells. it doesn't look good... and i looked over to kathleen at this moment, who is sitting in her chair, on the edge of her chair, looking very tense. and unbeknownst to her, at her feet the cat was sizing up the leap to her lap. cat on screen jumps, cat jumps onto kathleen, i say 'boo', kathleen jumps. really, really high. all in a matter of about a second. oh, it was so funny.

it is what it is

i have a feeling these next few months are going to fly by. it's scary, because it's like life inexorably escapes me. i don't know where it goes, but it goes, continuously. it is here and then gone, unending moment upon moment until one day. gone. and the irony is how it just seems to crawl, getting nowhere, all the while everything whizzes by. gone. i have a lot coming up, a chunk of time dedicated to this activity, a chunk to that.

some time spent on estate-type work, work that necessarily rewinds bits of life, examines the memories, judges them, and eventually moves on knowing that many of those unearthed recollections have been recalled for probably the last time. the stuff of those dear thoughts must be sold or given away to someone else who can appreciate them and give them new purpose and life. who knew that just a tub full of fabric scraps could sum up an entire childhood, telling of forgotten school plays, old wardrobes, curtains that used to hang in the living room where so much laughter and talking happened, curtains made for lisa's far-off dorm room, projects i watched take shape over the years, all the textiles that are most familiar too me, now that i remember them. april 12th they will sit in a yard sale, waiting for someone to come along and make them into a quilt, work them into their own stories.

very soon there will be some leisure, some reuniting with friends... but what am i doing? what i do has to be done, but what is the value in it? it seems so... slow and stuck in the past. i am anxious to move on, but to what? i am terrified of living a life to pay the bills and feed myself. if it ever boils down to that, i will have a real problem. but that is my fear, having potential and never using it. not recognizing it or not being brave enough to . settling. i seem to be lacking in the department of great ideas, and struggling to be content with what life is. it is what it is. but i seem bent on knowing what it could be. living in the present can be so difficult.

The Ducks

Every year, two ducks land in our pond about this time of year. They usually leave after several weeks of lazing about our yard and entertaining us with lots of waddling and "waa waa waa waa". I am no avian expert, so I can only speculate where they are going or why they hang around while they do. But I think they might actually be spies disguised as ducks, gathering information all along their "migration route." Good cover, no? Satellites are a little suspicious, but who would suspect a duck? I'm going to have to look into it. I'm also trying to figure out if these are the same pair every year, or if by chance we happen to get two random duck visitors every year. The second scenario seems unlikely, but I am beginning to wonder how long ducks live. They've been coming for years.... which makes the spy theory look a little more promising. I may need to read up on my birds.

I Answered the Phone...

I rarely answer the phone anymore, because every time it rings I think... either it's Roscoe, or a telemarketer. It's almost always a telemarketer, so I don't often answer it. And this irritates Lisa because it might not be a telemarketer. Who knows, it could be someone looking for one of the several people who once lived...here. Anyway, a couple of days ago, by chance, I was standing right next to the phone when it rang. Why not? I picked it up. Not a telemarketer, a survey. Oooo... ok, I was feeling cooperative, not too busy. I took the survey. And the "quick survey," in fact, turned out to be more involved than quick.

Have I ever been called for jury duty?
Would I be able to be on a jury if asked?
Would my employer compensate me?
What do I think about this aspect of the legal system, that aspect?
Is everyone guilty?
Have I ever committed a felony?
Do I know any cops?
Jailers?
Lawyers?
Judges?
Do I know this lawyer, that officer .....
How well do you know him?
Does he live in your town?

... oh, I forgot a page of questions... and on and on. Lisa was glaring at me. "Who are you talking to? Erin, I need the phone."

Ok, so eventually the lady tells me that the research group is having a focus group this weekend. Would I be willing to be an alternate in case one of their participants cancels? It would only last from 9am-5pm.

And then I heard myself telling her that that would be fine. Wow, Erin, you hate these kinds of disccussions: talking with a large group, of complete strangers, for hours on end, without food or sunlight, about topics you know virtually nothing about. What is your problem? For some reason I tend to sign myself up for things that I know will make me uncomfortable, thinking that I might grow into it, or something. I don't know if this is a good habit or a bad habit. But it is definitely a very annoying habit. I kicked myself and tried to envision myself sitting in a room with a bunch of people, telling them what I think of the legal system as it functions here in south central Idaho. And I drew a complete blank.

So, today the researchers called back with the good news that they now have an open spot, if I would be willing to participate. Sure, I said. Good grief Erin. But for some strange reason, I am acutally excited about this. I have never been in a focus group, maybe never will be asked again. And quite frankly, I am very curious to see what this is all about and to see what the process is like. And I guess it doesn't hurt that breakfast and lunch will be provided... I'm always a sucker for free food. And I suppose the $200 they are going to pay me to talk to them about what I think is a pretty nice bonus.

Good thing I answered the phone.... now I've qot a little adventure this weekend. I will sit in a room with 24 other people for 8 hours talking about all kinds of legal stuff. Hmmm... could be interesting. Could pay for a plane ticket to Seattle too.