today i had nap time with hilary, we ate beautiful spinach salads, and dined out for life (in support of an AIDS oraganization). it was the best italian food i have eaten in a very long time. and tomorrow there'll be wonderful leftovers. today i also saw greg and gianna, who might just be the cutest baby in the northwest.

vacation is such a nice invention.

the pass

good day today. becky and i ferried on over to whidbey island just to have a good looksie. though the day started out fairly cloudy and a little rainy, by the time we found ourselves on the rocky beach at deception pass, i don't think the weather could have been nicer. cool, warm sun, and the water was enchanting. i don't know what it is about water that is so captivating and so calming. it's the symbol of rebirth, it's refreshing, renewing. and we couldn't quite get ourselves to leave. for a couple of hours we gazed , sat in silence, talked about life's quandries, and sat silently some more, followed by more profound thought and talk. my expectations for the day were easily surpassed, and so simply. it was just wonderful to be there. me and my friend sitting on an old rickety picknic table at deception pass.

waiting to bloom

i went to see the tulips today. and there were lots, in every color. pinks, reds, yellows, purples, oranges, whites. and they were very beautiful. some had bloomed their little heads off and were done. most were mid-bloom, at their height of tulip beauty. and some were just waiting. whole rows of them. some of the whites, and the yellows. the time wasn't right, maybe they need more sun, or more warmth, or more rain. they were the shy flowers who weren't quite ready to make their big debut. and these are the most fascinating flowers because you can't quite tell what they'll be. already their green bud shape is lovely, but what about the petals hiding inside? are they smooth or frilly? and what about the color, pure or varigated? so easy to overlook in a rainbow of tulips, but if you notice, you can get hung up on them, waiting for them to bloom.

well...

i came to seattle with a great plan. that plan has been scrapped, due to outside forces... and it looks like i am going to have to wait to finally explore the rainforest. maybe in nicer weather, when i'm not cold, alone, and without transportation. it's sad, but the week is not lost. ash isn't coming after all, sniff, sniff..... i will spend my time here in the city, for the most part, and will find more time to spend with people.

in other news, i fought the law, and the law won. the lyrics don't lie. but though i lost my case, i got a chance to put myself on a witness stand after swearing in, got to make a statement before a judge, and got to cross examine somebody. pretty exciting stuff. don't necessarily want to do it again.

also the furnace at home went out. i should call lisa and see if she's freezing to death.

gross

this morning sayers wandered off and i couldn't find him anywhere in the neighborhood. so i gave up and waited for a phone call, which came about two hours later..."i have your dog." ok. i went to pick him up. let me mention that i gave him a bath yesterday, so he was perfectly clean and lavender smelling. yeah, yeah, he has girly dog shampoo. well, maybe that just ticked him off, because when i went to get him from the nice people down the street, he had a nice brown patch on his rump. pretty sure he was rolling in someone else's feces... gross dog. so i scrubbed him and now he smells like lavender again. hehehe....

the sale

the yard sale went so well that i am too tired to say much about it. we started working at 6am and went until almost 4pm. the house feels emptier, which is so relieving. stuff weighs on you.

also, after the sale in the evening, a guy drove by, turned around, parked and asked if we were going to sell the house. he seemed very interested, and he seemed like a really nice guy. he used to own a funeral home in town, and i think he's really sick now. there was an article in the paper about him having to sell the business now that he is facing his own mortality. which is very depressing even though i only just met him. i want him to buy this house and live happily in it for a long time. i want him to get better and enjoy it. it seems kind of silly after such a brief interaction, but i want him to fulfill his dream of having this house and i want the comfort of selling it to someone who will appreciate it and make this their home.

just a normal morning

we all sat around drinking coffee, checking email, discussing the latest news story about the flds goings on in texas, the promise of warmer weather, and the plans for the day... getting ready for our monster yard sale. which is tommorow. heaven help us, please. there is so much to be done. right now we're all punchy, exhausted from today's long hours... i think we're going to eat some dinner or a snack and go to bed so we can get the mountains of stuff out to sell early in the morning. i don't even know if i make any sense at all right now, as i am just trying to keep alert. oh yes, i was going to tell about the big excitement this morning.

we let the cat out, and she's a little afraid of the big outside world still, so going out is a little bit of a big deal for her. defending her territory is not something she is at all excited about. anytime she sees another cat, she runs and begs to be let in, or goes and hides behind the wood pile. so when we looked out the window and saw her facing off with three other cats twice her size, it was pretty exciting. we watched to see what would happen. at first she looked for escape, but then, for the first time, she walked right toward a big cat. they sat and stared at each other for a while. the other cat noticed the three face from indoors watching and decided today was not the day to pick a fight. out cat had backup. good job kitty. brave kitty, we let her in and i walked out with the dog and watched all the big cats scatter.

little cat is growing up so fast....

i'll fly away

tonight, in a few hours, i will get on a plane and go back to idaho.  hopefully i can sleep.  katie, thanks for the visit and letting me get acquainted with merlin.  it's been a good visit.  see you on the other side of the pacific... eventually.

dirt, i love you

red dirt

you're beautiful

you're so red and orangey

like the old rusted car

that sits on the beach

you grow things that are green

and pretty to look at

you're rich like this cookie 

i'd like to eat

dirt, i like you a lot

Five Years

five years ago i was living in new york doing the ivy league thing.  a lot has happened since then. last night kt and i got to talking.  two questions:  what were the last five years like, and what about the next five?  we never got to the prediction stage in the conversation.  strangely enough we were interrupted by a phone call from taiwan, and stephanie lu and i played catch up about the last seven years.  a lot more has happened in seven years.  i never would have predicted more than one or two small things, so i guess there really is no point in projecting the future. but in a way, that's what planning is-- you say you're going to do A and B, knowing full well that mystery option C is going to sneak up and usurp the position.  but if you didn't have A and B lined up, C never would have come along.  

this is what usually works for me, so people like my father who knew exactly what they wanted to do from the age of seven and never deviate from it, they amaze me.  but i think this is not the norm.  and knowing my father, that makes sense.  i have never met anyone with less concern for what people think.  self conscious, embarrassed... though good at making the kids feel that way at times, these were, as far as i can tell, foreign concepts to him.  it's an admirable, but potentially dangerous trait.  he was deeply convicted, focused, and maybe too brilliant for his own good.  he was the hardest person to get to know, but well worth the effort.  his drive drove me right to the edge of my sanity at times, but is was amazing to watch his tireless pursuit of ideals.  i miss it.  

he could not understand my decision to leave cornell, deviate from the plan, or in his words, throw my future away.  my sister convinced me that he would never speak to me again if i went through with it.  but i have a streak of my father in me, and i didn't care what anyone thought about me transferring to an "inferior institution."  about three years later, he let it go.  but he never talked about my future after that.  it's not that he didn't care, but more like he had done all he could.  i, like most people, do not know what the next years will look like.  but i think that's ok.  i think it makes me listen more and rely more on god, on the people around me.  it challenges that independent detweiler streak.

not having a clear picture forces me to look harder, be more inquisitive about the world, the nature of things, and my place in it.  and i hope that it will keep me from pursuing anything with too much vigor, where i end up neglecting or hurting people for the sake of some goal, however worthy.  that would be like viewing everything through the lens of a microscope, seeing more that everyone else, yet seeing nothing they see.  it would make relating and loving immensely difficult.  in a way my father was that focused on his passions, but i know he loved very much.  it was just hard to understand sometimes.  as for my future, i am expectant, but without exact expectations.

Merlin the Jeep

me and merl went trekking far and away

to the jungley jungle and the misty-topped mountains

roaring through rivers and potholes galore,

winding, twisting, mucking up mud

and splashing the soup,

we gurgled and jostled and made such a racket

to make every gecko fly up and away,

save one stray amigo who made a great leap

and landed on merl, the incredible jeep

his poor little eyes must have grown thrice in size

when he saw what a zipping good ride he would get

the brave merl-surfing gecko held on with each toe

but catching more air than he really did care,

he scampered up quick from window to roof

so off we all went, over rock, under stream

me, merl, and the gecko, who since hasn't been seen